JJ

New year

2010-12-31T11:16:00.002+08:00

Today marks the last day of 2010, will be looking forward to 2011. I start my last day of 2010 talking to two job recruiters, really do hope that this is a sign of things to come because I did not saw the last two months coming which has made me so negative. Even my friends asked me where was my drive during poly days...

Trying to remember what made me work so hard for that 3.5 GPA in NYP...sad isn't it?

No doubt, new year new beginnings, also at the same time would like to bring a close to some issues on my mind. Would like to leave some out and speak to some. I guess that is what happens when things start to revolve and those are things you feel the need to value about.

Dragging does not seem to be a very good idea as time could be an ingredient for which no one can forsee the results good or bad. The "BEST TIME" that I am looking for is such a tough task.

Main priority is to shake the rust off me by having a job, I guess then I can be more calm.

2010 in my opinion was not a good year for me, having more negatives than positives. Not a good way to start the decade but since is ending, prefer to embrace the "NOW" than to lament on the past. Lost some gain some? Some will understand.

Is new year...play first. HAHA!

Don't feel good

2010-12-06T19:16:00.003+08:00

It has been a struggle for my mood, I am definitely not feeling well. I have lost directions, lost ambitions, lost motivations, lost drive. This is worse than when I am out of it few months back. That "out of it" feel now not only haunts me back but double fold at the least. Seems like this is what happens when the job is lost.

I need something to keep me going, because when you have it, it seems to not make your mind wander off aimlessly as you have something to focus upon and allows you to be tired end of the day. Sure, not sleeping makes you tired, but the tired here means mentally tired...

Having a getaway this Sunday to Tuesday at Genting, really hope this getaway can help me out.

有事儿忙着，精神才有一个寄托。。。means at least you have something to focus on when you are busy.

Need to put this here in case I forget...

1. End of January if there is no job opening, going to University to get a degree in the finance field.

2. To sign up for Diploma in General Insurance and Risk Management at SCI during Feburary for its April intake.

Hi...Lina,Daniel,Jolene

2010-11-29T00:59:00.005+08:00

Saturday 28th November 2010 Night,

A pool night with Daniel, Jerome, Zhihua, Lina, Jolene, All of us played except Jolene...claiming she does not know how to play. Just poke it Jolene, just poke it...haha.

For once I saw the fun and "crazy" side of Lina. Was off the charge...caught me by surprise though 'coz she was so fixated for O's that she did not not have fun for the almost the whole of 2010. She was babbling and jumping about no job for the holiday season in a hysterical manner, but I kind of like it...at least she had some fun I guess.

Kept teasing her about tearing her pants when she needed to stretch for a shot...with all the self-made tearing sound effects from me. Her game with Zhihua was the main teaser, so modest of you both to give chances to each other...who cares about winning, make more craps happen next time.

Oh, I almost forgot...You are a GIRL 24/7, still dare to say you are a girl in the morning which made me and Jolene thought that you are a MAN at night...HAHA! WA LAO EH!! LINA YOU THE GIRL!!!!!

Daniel was still being Daniel, my joker-man as usual, no lack of craps from you...HAHA. Still long ways to go for your 10k. Do it for yourself and whatever that links with this achievement.

Jolene, teach you play pool one of these days...don't come and never play. Join the fun.

Quick post

2010-08-19T19:58:00.003+08:00

万般皆下品，唯有读书高= It means nothing beats the time spent studying, studying is still the most important thing to do.

十年窗下无人问，一举成名天下知= It means certain people were not known to the world, but the world knows them after a certain act of theirs.

四海升平，五谷丰登= It means the sea is peaceful, the land is in great abundance of grain.

Felt a little bored, came over to post this verses taught to me many years back when I was young.

Lately, there is this weird sense of insecurity, still unable to detect the source though. I want to feel that is worth giving my effort all this while, but I seem to not get the latter.

Till I hit this target, I don't think I can rest easy... Maybe I should not 耿耿于怀 over the past and leave it as something that cannot be written off in my books,but there's this little sprout of mine is chewing on me to get it back...It's telling me "It's yours in the first place, bringing it back inches you closer to the target and never forget the 'help' you OFFERED has almost cause a break in your life."

Let's start from the present to create a better future...有失必有得但绝不能再一失足成千古恨否则将后悔莫及。到时根定叫天不应，叫地不灵。

Is it worthwhile?

2010-08-07T05:58:00.004+08:00

This whole lapse of time has seen many things happening up and down, left and right, lots of 点点滴滴. It is either forgotten or simply whizzed through due to its insignificance. Yet, something I learnt which is "drawing a line".

I am reaching a twilight era at the same time also a start in my life. By that I mean basketball and career.

I have seen people going at it, doing it the nasty way or starting trouble just to protect oneself's rights and interest. It's easy to tell that some attitude shown is not the real attitude or character, they are just doing it for whatever reasons they deemed like prevent overloading of work, being bullied or looked down upon. 所谓“老虎不发威当我是病猫”, the first party to budge loses. Term it childish or immature 'coz no one cares, just give me what I want. Thereafter,the "line" will be drawn, is only how far you are willing to draw. I heard this quote “脸是自己丢的，面子是我给的”, "best way" to be get people to hear you is give an attitude.

Is it worth doing the above? Doesn't the above cause a lot of unhappiness? Who should take a step back, if so, how much is the threshold? Nevertheless, I will protect the people who I deem closer to.

Outcome

2010-06-13T09:32:00.003+08:00

Another few weeks that has gone by, working and basketball. Which relates to also how the whole team has developed for the past year. At least the outcome yesterday has surpassed my expectation. I realised though they still need experience but at least they understand plays better than last time when their understanding totally "ROCKS" your senses. HAHA!

I could not handle them in the past, is it they deprove or I improve, who knows for sure. But one thing for certain, I could handle them this time round. But nevertheless, I know one day this bunch will surpass me...Now is to help them be patient.

During the Veask week, it was quite bored that I did not managed to play basketball at all because everyone was preparing for their chinese papers. But at least I did try out the feeling of having a personal pool cue courtesy of Hong Sin. Hmm...seems like since day one when I first met him dating to five years back. I did not seem to be bothered by the age difference between me and him. He was a good friend and a senior to ask for at times. I guess was 'cause when I knew him I was already 19 so the thinking has kind of settled in. As of now, what we chat or I asked him about, we can easily relate as if there was no difference in there.

Last week, basketball at 369, it's been a long time since I played at that court which I used to envisioned as a court where "no skill please do not go" court. Kind of felt nostalgic when I remembered how much improvement in my perimeter game then.

I will leave something unwritten here as I decided to keep certain things as spoken memories. Some know this some know that. I am more than willing to talk. Just ask me.

A month

2010-05-23T12:45:00.004+08:00

This whole month was quite uneventful to say the least...with working everyday and playing basketball on weekends. Unless I do go out if not, the activities is always the same. -_-'''

Work wise, other than getting calls from customers with attitude who will scold you as if you offended him/her badly and makes me go in into a state of bewilderment, the rest is actually fine. Kind of hard to believe that there is alot of things spoiling every single day, makes me wonder why HAHA! Every work place has its own SOP, but people simply do not understand that. When they make the call, they think the "solution" to their problem is immediately there but NO, we have to escalate to the relevant departments to do their work. Just because of a immediate demand does not mean you will get it, others have their schedule. We need to be understanding to others as well...Different departments operate differently, so we will not know the system with regards to the other party. He/she can't expects to call up and say "hey, why you can't deliver this and that today" when we explained that we need to depend on the schedule of the team who is responsible. Sadly, I mean SADLY, we will get screwed for it 'coz they think we are giving them a convenient answer and not doing our job which is also something that is not within our control.

REASON: They think that being in the same company, you will have every single details and you should plan and do everything.

ACTUAL: We are different company, we are just providing a service contract, not a guarantee. So we can't at any whim and will be able to feed every single info. We need to attend to others as well as there is only 3 people attending to all the customers, do not assume there is 20 people.

Enough of work, as it is gonna be an everyday thing.

Weekends wise, also nothing unusual, playing basketball. I guess things happen or should I say repeated at times. Kind of do not want to be bothered by it. Weekends precious my dear...I just want to cherish the time playing basketball and play properly.

The only difference was I went to watch Ye Wen 2. As always, he is a good wu dao jia. Interesting scences, any who wish to watch can go as the worthiness is there.

Going to SBC later to watch the Division 1 Finals against Home united and Eng tat...More or less know who will win but since they are all far better players. Go and watch and learn. Crap, I haven even try to shoot there before, even as of now the person I am chatting with on MSN has shot before...BOOOOOOOOOOO make me jealous. HEHE, You know who you are... :P

See you soon.......................till next time.........byeeeeee

Tired...but is ok

2010-05-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

WHEW! It such a tiring day from work everyday, can't wait to plonk down to bed and fall asleep but thinking about payday makes work something I can look forward to. ^_^

Though I only have this little time left daily, I would love to do something I like or rather something that is relaxing from work. Sitting down getting screwed on the phone by customers who are misunderstood is something I need to live with and a job not to be trifled with.

People misunderstand that office jobs are slack, only hard labour people suffer, I beg to differ. Different jobs have their miseries or easiness in their way. Some is physical, some is mental. Some look like they having an easy job but behind the scenes they are having a hard time.

I still prefer this job, the challenge is to be able the take the screwing and not get pissed or personal over it especially when the conversation is on going. Screwing back is definitely a taboo no matter how wrong the customer is.

Trying to get understanding is not easy, customers misunderstand you often as they do not know the details, they base it around what is heard. So they tend to suppress you to meet their demands. It's always pain in the ass to deal with this group of "misunderstood" people as they make conclusions fast without a clear head. Not a big deal to me though, 'cause is within expectation.

Ah well, its another day over...Let me look on to a new day that fills me with trepidation to work. 'Coz now is bedtime..............zzzZZZZZZzzz

Lucky...

2010-04-25T01:53:00.004+08:00

Mentioning about revelation in the previous post, I seem to have gotten mine. I guess I will be the first and last to have such kind of "stunts" work out fast and still in one piece...

It is sure a good thing that I do not need to face my history again but while in this circumstances, I will have no room for negotiations for anything that will be in my favour, but I won't whine about it because this is what I "asked" for, no regrets.

I do AND will not want to play anymore stupid impulsive tricks anymore, it sure won't do me any good in the future as I need to garner the experience and learn as much as I can for a good progression.

Most important factor that also made this whole crap unfold since last Tuesday: INCOME

I sure need that as I have a lot of stuff I need to prepare and those are $$ involved. To top it off, my savings have run dry because of two "friends" that owe me bucks (Most of readers know how much).

Quote from many post ago that I always do not have problem getting jobs...but now I realised I always get those hard to maintain jobs, It is just me or is just the nature of the job having high turnover rate resulting in often vacancies.

Now whatever that needs to be done is clear, serve the notice, get a fresh new start, and grit it through. I do get the jitters nevertheless as there is sure a record or history there but I think all I need is some time to pick myself up again and not being worrisome which just so happens to be my nature that links to thinking too much and being over-sensitive...

While writing I now recall alot of words/quotes that are used here are repeated in my past entries.

I simply need motivation, who can give me some? Of course someone did help make some of my days better by distracting me. I thank that person for that. That person took time off to ask about my day when I know that person is busy and needs personal space after a long day. Appreciated the effort...

Although is been a few days since the whole personal saga, I have calmed down much but somehow or rather is still feeling disgusted and mad at myself when I start to recall this incident.

I guess I will have some mood swings that needs to be suppressed...That how guys don't show their emotions i guess...Brave front...Weak inside.

Don't show = bottling up

Sleep now 'coz I wanna go shoot some balls if not, happy waiting to next weekend.

Thinking about it, let others post about what happened since my 9/3/10 post. byeeee

Wrong and Impulsive

2010-04-19T22:44:00.004+08:00

It's been a very long time since I updated my blog... I have many things that I can update and share over the past month but I am too drained to do so. Reason: Next paragraph---

There are many mistakes I have made in life, but none surpass this mistake that I made on 1st April 2010 when I pen my signature down on the contract.

Out of pressure of income and desperate for a job, I impulsively signed my name on the dotted line which as the weeks came along brought flashbacks of the past experience that is now haunting the "trying to turn things around" mood.

The flashbacks of being the amount of effort that may equate to nothing when is all said and done can be well the very reason why I left the previous job.

It can be quite a mentally straining thing to uphold the "no-pressure" and all I receive back home is nothing but lectures of myself being unable to take the pain when what I really am looking for is some encouragment.

I simply do not like effort to be overshadowed entirely by result only.

Effort= Objection handling, making the number of calls (about 150 daily)
Required= 2 sales daily quota (not by quality ratio) which is defintely a challenging task.
Performance= Sales ONLY (notice the effort is not there)

I have been feeling so stupid ever since a few days ago, finding out the stability on the job. Confidence thrashed, not a tinge of motivation for sales plus with the leaders dilly-dallying me by not starting my work, I have been entertaining these useless thoughts in my head which is making me so demoralized.

Wonder what is my motivation factor on the job? DAMN IT! The mere pressure for the sake of income from the family make lost sight on control over the job. With that said, I will still take responsibility of what happened to hope I can seek a form of revelation of this messed up issue.

Will post the month happenings on another post...not now...too disgusted with my stupidity.

Hot day!

2010-03-09T23:06:00.002+08:00

These few weeks has been so much warmer than usual, it even beats the feel of running around at the basketball courts.

It sure is taking its toll on my concentration on the books...ARGH! and is also taking its toll on the utility bills with switching on the air-con almost every night for about 2 weeks or so.

Never mind, can't study but still need to force it in, I do not want to fail the test. 3 more chapters to go.

PLEASE, let me tough it out through this period...I guess a lot of others are not feeling any better and maybe more worse than what I feel in this heat. Do take care to all...

Better stop bitching about this, this is nothing compared to those who are working their guts out...GO GO GO! BOOKS IN THE HOLE!

2nd half of feb...

2010-03-06T01:23:00.004+08:00

Hmm...Due to overwhelming "pestering" to update... Here I am. Though there are things interesting that happened since the last post, I felt lazy to post as the I have deviated from the main objective of creating this blog. I shall not share the reason. Let the "scorpio" side of me keep this reason hidden ^_^

Friends are more important to me than my own stuff, I am more than willing to sacrifice the time and effort to my friends if it is within my power to help, but with that being said, it does not mean I totally leave my things untouched. As long the priority level falls below the request of a friend, I will try my best. Work is important, but I will not work my guts out as I am more interested to be a friend indeed.

New year this year I would say no different from the past, since I have no interest in playing cards anymore, I can only say PHEW that I have my PSP to offset some of the time that I may feel bored. So hope to come back asap as this friend of mine is celebrating her birthday on the 18th of Feb and I am so very eager to know how the planning went down and it was kind of on my mind the whole time I was in JB. Everything was still abit messy here and there when I came back but nevertheless was able to get everything in place the night before.

As a friend I wanted her to cheer more...so came this impromptu surprise by drawing a smiley face on the grass using the cream that was meant to be on her face...HAHA! ^^ was a great thing to see her beaming so happily even if it was just for that moment only.

Up came the weekends, the match between the team and some opponents who have disrespect for the match itself. It was already setting me off when they were late as I had something on and all the more so when I caught a glimpse of someone. After the match, had a conversation which totally hurt me badly and 100% thrashed my feelings by saying I played too "big" which this big is something I have no control over. T_T (Sobs Sobs)

Thinking back, maybe it was my mood over the match that boiled over to what I felt and replied back that day. Although I was just putting my point across, I could have done it better.

After seeing my friends and talking about qualifications, we were comparing if market-spec certs or a degree is better? Who can share their thoughts...? One thing for sure, it did distract me from the poor mood I had for that day.

Came the new week, I met up with another friend, we had a long chat as usual over a nice scenery and we ended off comparing personalities and how we portray ourselves in front of others. She said I was a mysterious one, I was like "HAHA...WHOA, what do you mean?" She explained to me saying that I portrayed a character to A and another to B...unable to tell which is the real me (Scorpio leh, what do you expect...secretive is part of being a scorpio ^^). Character/Attitude for work, play and friends is different I guess, and that's how i define adaptability and have seen true professionals handle themselves. Good job :)

Quote from a show: A true professional keeps his work apart from his personal affairs.

Oh...I almost forgot about this, Shien Kai is finally learning how to eat chilli. LOL!! Must make you eat more...WAHAHAHA!

Done sakae sushi with Daniel, Lina, Jerome, Jolene, Marcus, Hui Hui, Wei Sheng and Chong Yi. Were there making a hilarious scene which we didn't really bother to care. Just have fun and fill the stomach.

Gonna take care of business coming friday...I have been chowing down the book for the whole of this week and the next. Just to pass you...don't fail me. LOL! Until next friday...I am still eating you (CHOMP CHOMP)!!!!

Post my next wordy post next time round...Back to study.

Just communication...

2010-02-13T01:22:00.003+08:00

Communication, what is the meaning to it? To me, it is an art or skill to prevent any form of unwanted misunderstandings for anything.

I realised that no matter how much experience we acquire to fine-tune this much needed for survival skill, due to its explicit amount of patience required...No one and I mean no one has been able to overcome the adverse effects of blowing up.

The only people who have done it are those who made great sacrifices and are now revered by ordinary people like you and me as GOD.

We need to communicate effectively so that the other party will know what are we thinking about. If this cannot be provided in a timely and an adequate fashion, at the bare minimum be able to highlight the important points so that it can prevent unwanted second guessing which leads to wrong ideas and thus causing the rift between the communicating parties.

Do not get me wrong for anyone reading this, there is no finger-pointing here. Its just something I have observed for awhile and decided to air my thoughts here.

Good stuffs fade off fast yet bad stuffs snowball faster. Always the difference to kill friendships of the greatest potential.

Oh and by the way readers, happy advance new year to all. :) Off to play my daily Z-slayer. Tag me if you know the game. I am sure everyone knows this game. I have been playing it for at least half of my life...See ya.

Ahh...

2010-02-12T11:24:00.003+08:00

Whew, m8 exam down, many to go...most probably will be tackling CGI next.

For now, I will take a short break heading into the CNY season. Most importantly, to rest my feet as it is in loads of pain when I jam on it or upon impact...OUCH!

Oh, and by the way, to ws, maggi cooking is also real fun...HAHA! tag me when you see this post.

Still studying

2010-02-04T13:55:00.002+08:00

Studying is fun, if i could I will want to study hard again...I want to do mock exam papers but don't have for M8.

Never mind, I will do my best or try find alternatives to get hold of some questions.

Back to books...

2010-02-01T23:48:00.005+08:00

Whew, it has come to the final straw that I will leave the job in the way of being terminated. Not much regrets though except for the time and income part. I have made new friends, learn more stuff from them, get to play alot of basketball, gains lots of knowledge. Looks like i have lost nothing when i have gained more than i lost.

Now, I intend to do some re-focusing through studying while still pursuing a career in this line from a different persepective. Seriously hope I can use the qualifications to enhance my resume.

Main line of focus:-

Kill the papers in 1 attempt (M8 ur dead on 9 feb...BANG!)
Quickly get a new job as $$ is depleting

As for basketball, I can only say "GOOD STUFF"...spent three sundays' of my evening time at amkcc. Great "training", no doubt. The feel of getting "eaten" by height disadvantage, looking at the body control, techniques reminds me of last national day when I went to play at bukit batok. The fresh feeling that I get thrashed playing my best. ^^

Though there are significant difference in terms of the style they play

Power in AMK
Techniques in BB

Why not combine and learn the style as best as I can...I like this game and even zh told me that I should go and play with them. HEH! I WILL SPEND MY SUNDAYS THERE NOW!!!

Lately, I have also been thinking about this, I have been overly-concerned with many stuff big or small. Maybe because:-

No targets?
Lately is purely studying?
Too little distractions?
Too free and thus thinking too much?

Lets see...I guess this will all be corrected when I land on a job so in the mean time, please do not mind me and tell me if I am too inquisitive or vexed unnecessary.

Keep it cool, keep it calm, keep it friendly...hope everything will keep up. Continue communicating.

The papers mentioned 10/10/10 in an article...it means 10 minutes,10 months, 10 years. Was a mind-stirring article where it teaches decision making over the short, middle or long term and the impact it carries over the meaning defined as "LIFE OF A PERSON". Every life is a story in itself that is not in a book, that's why it is forgotten. History= His Story

Excuses...

2010-01-19T02:11:00.004+08:00

I am always defensive of myself, i may like to find excuses to whatever i don't do or do well in. But for some reason, I also can't convince myself to try again because the rewards are no longer convincing to me.

Much as I do not want to fail, But it is still failing. The experience of failing has plummeted to another new level dragging along what is so called the "leftover spirit" in me.

To some, I must not have done enough which i don't deny. Though I see this problem within myself, I can't change as i no longer dare to step out of the enclosure. I trap myself within this abyss of fear which has the equivalent of running away.

Is looking for stability a form of running away? Who knows for sure...but one thing that is guaranteed will be the fact I will live life peacefully i guess. No matter how I will suffer, as long I can see the result. I no longer want to suffer where I can't see the result at all. If this wall cannot be knocked down, what is the purpose of trying. The consequences is being hurt.

No one will help you. Some might think that what are friends for? They will help you in need but in this respect I mean that they are just certain types of issues where you can only find the answers and seek revelation within you.

Time taken to find the answers: UNKNOWN... and time waits for no man. I do not want to end up an old man still finding this answer.

Hints or ideas?

2010-01-17T04:04:00.006+08:00

Its been a great few hours before i post this...why?

Been to Dini's wedding which in my opinion was a success minus the screw-ups from the food arrangement, so that should compensate or rather fulfil my insatiable appetite for basketball (Once in a lifetime only)...More to come as the years come along. Never mind...grrrr I will play basketball tomorrow irregardless who makes it or not. HAHA!!!!!!!!

Hmm...thereafter is the usual over the coffee talk. (More like sharing lesson to me ^_^)

Well...it turns out that why i do things this way or that way is due to the past experiences i had that i thought was just the "with all due respect" thinking, I realised i could be wrong. It might just be the other party being over-sensitive to what is portrayed at that particular point of time.

With this experience on hand, it seems that i have being too over-cautious and thus the outcome will tend to make someone feel uneasy/uncomfortable/unnatural in my company. Therefore, giving the wrong impression of having an ulterior motive which is worsen by the inability to express my thoughts and feelings well in major aspects as this "un-" kind of mood has the tendency to affect me as well.

I guess that i need to learn to express myself specifically or re-learn it for that matter. I cannot expect someone to second guess me or walk up to me to clarify his/her doubt because nobody does, when this happens, misunderstandings occurs. I will also learn to take the initiative to go up to someone to resolve if i am unsure what is the other party thinking.

Learning and still learning...if i want it, i got to ask and work to earn it. Looks like i am still a long long way to go.(KNS...JJ so NOOB!!! tsk tsk tsk HAHA!)

2 things, same concept, different methods...THAT'S ALL!

5 ideas which i thought was useful and food for thought:-

Words of assurance
Gifts of service
Touch
Feeling/Gifts
Quality time

Do come tag me with your feedback...all opinion are appreciated.

I will change this with my own hands even though the mindset is of vast difference and will not be the same today and tomorrow. I will do whatever I can to sustain it.

Class dismissed...a good lesson learned, a good hint garnered, a good idea received :P like how takumi got the hint on the weakness of a 4WD, performing high-level braking with hi-tech equipment and ABS without need of a well trained right foot of a driver of a car without ABS. Hmm...how to superimpose the modern technology with skill to perform the ideal braking drift without wearing out the tires grip.

CY's gave me this template so i might as well post something to match up the theme. "Thanks" ah mak ar bo you you you______ (fill in the blanks yourself) ...LOL!!!!!!!!!!! JANNA!

A poor career show for a girl?

2010-01-13T22:17:00.005+08:00

I guess this will be shortest post to date.

"Contract maintainance"...This two words has been on my mind since meeting today. 3k FYP and 4 cases.

Why? It seems like I have been pushed to become a salesman rather than being a consultant who provides his utmost duty of service.

Though I don't deny that sales is important but isn't service the core of why customers come back to us again and again. But I guess what has got to change is my mindset, I landed myself in this mess with the "pure" service mindset.

I thought I will want to sell with good service that it makes anyone willingly and convincingly buy the solutions to their needs.

Looks like the days are going to be down the drain, I need to push more I guess. The pace of the race against time is against me...To let go of the pedal and let is drift without its traction or pedal to the metal with powerslide, too much wear and tear or simply mine is low RPM with low HP?

Quite theme fitting right...(haha)

Hmm...I guess this 6 months will prove my worth in the sales line. Got to go call up people. Till next post.

hmm...freshness or has-been?

2010-01-04T13:50:00.002+08:00

It's been a rough week to put 2009 behind me, and, i started 2010 without any feel of a new year.
First, i am looking at a new career prospect that is gonna fail me which i will not take up (I will be a dumb if i do). I will look for alternatives instead ^_^

Secondly, with regards to basketball, i am determined to be a player again so as far as i am concerned, i will not hold regard and respect for those who use a prejudice mindset to judge me from my basketball and the way i do things. I apologise for putting so straightforward for i felt that i have done my part in terms of compromising.

Thirdly, i realised after a supper talk last night that why i sub-consciously felt the poor enthusiasm in things i am doing recently while others are just wishing to go for it again.

For the past few days for the new year, it did not feel any different from any weekends that i normally have 'coz i am still using "this month" to describe december when is already january...LOL yeah, i seriously felt abit lag. X_X

Nevertheless, thursday was a wonderful evening night out with my friends involving singing, drinking and goofing around. I did enjoyed myself that night especially chatting while on the way home. Chatting has always been my top of the list for passing time. WOOOTS!! :)

Last night supper with ph and bok was i would say a normal activity to others but seemingly will make me wanting to drag the time for as long as i can as the sharing was always meaningful even though some topics are repeated just like me and matthew always talking 'thru the night about our relationships, NBA, money and it never gets boring especially when we are consecutively for days talking about our "shit" in relationships. Most people would have told us to go get a life instead (Too sian liao) HAHA...what to do, this is "where shit happens" in life.

We were talking about how different people with different objectivity views the same thing in such a manner where it is like doing 2 different things...the sense of achievement, recognition, passion for certain things. The outcome that produces this image be it for self or to impress others which we so desire.

We also shared about why we started basketball and that how the objectives changed our motivations as the time goes by and are we still hanging onto the game because of the initial reasons?? Hmm...i guess not. Even i vaguely remember the true reason why i started this game (Still trying to recall since last night, TA MA DE...just can't recall) other the surface reasons of growing taller and girls.

Are we simply looking around for freshness or we have no targets to work towards to? Who knows for sure, but one thing for sure...whatever we cling onto, though the reasons change, but there is always just this ONE reason why we stay on.

Well...i guess lately there are alot of distractions that prevent anyone from keeping a sole focus to do that particular thing. That's what i meant by freshness and has-beens...like a particular stuff that keeps people on it and people who have been there done there which equates to the different amount of "sian-ness" (This part is no link and random i guess :) )

Lets end here for now... off to feed my passion...bye till next time. ^^

I care for you and always wanting to tell you "I LOVE YOU" which simply means my heart-felt feelings translated to words.

Too personal?

2009-12-22T13:57:00.005+08:00

Hey, all i wanted is to win the game or at least play properly...i screamed and shouted because the play is too sloppy. I am just directing the play that's all, the only thing that may seem bad is that my voice is loud. Nothing personal against anyone or whatsoever. Is all about the game.

Whatever i say on the court stays there 'coz it only applies to basketball. Yet you wanted to cry about it.

You asked me to guide you in the aspects of play and i did, and you gave me this kind of performance with an answer stating "I dunno what am i doing" "I dun understand what u saying"...

Come on, snap out of this crybaby attitude, how long have you been playing with us or how many times did you asked me what to do? Why does your mind shut off when you make mistakes and when people tries their very best explain to you, you take it so DAMN PERSONAL!

Is just like your badminton, after a mistake, you sit down and ponder over it and ask yourself why. I still make mistakes in this game and i won't deny that some are repeated over and over again. That the philosophy i had about learning. You are making people pissed with the fact you don't want to learn. You are just running away by crying.

You will only improve if you play with your mind open, not closed...keep thinking and keep trying many things while playing. Not just suddenly close it off when something not right happens...if that is so, how do u expect the team to win??

REASON:-

We no longer can pass to you
We no longer have help D
We have less running space cause you are in our way
You simply waste opponents time

I simply don't like to do this at all and why?

REASON:-

People might mis-perceive my actions
I make the mood very heavy
It damn sure kills my playing mood
I don't want people to think that i am acting a big shot in front of everyone to prove my worthiness at the kind of level i m currently in.

That's the kimochi i want to express...lets get on with what went down over last couple plus days.

Fri:-
Is been since sep' 06 when i saw huawei and sianghow, long time no see them, all in uni and that joker a**hole of a kevin (mai tu liao, lets chei dai ji) LOL...dinner out at clementi and pool at RC...Pool was as like in the past full of cork stuff...where taunting and disiao-ing is a must. Well is just about the meet-up and short gathering, the pool was just a way to drag the hours...

Sat:-
Cousin's wedding...SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) i guess...11 years together with his gf (now-wife) and counting...WOOTS
Best part of the day was watching the VCD of the msia chinese while waiting to go over the wedding lunch, it reminds me of the chinese that i used to speak...HAHA (Bu De Kong)

Sun & Mon:-
Basketball and basketball (Better dun elaborate 'coz if i do, i might as well put sy's blog template as mine)

Till X'mas...i am a goner...adios. :) :) :)

My thoughts?

2009-12-18T08:28:00.000+08:00

Is it just me being sensitive or am i too overly concerned over u feeling down...?
why is it that since young just because whenever i hear this words "dun ask me, i am just feeling unhappy", i will start to feel uneasy and have the thoughts that i did not do my part as a friend especially when is someone that maybe i hold a torch for.
I know i am not the possessive type, but i just get very jumpy being not able to make my friend happy and in the end while in the name of being concern and cheering my friend up, i "accidentally" annoy him/her.
i do apologize if i did whoever you are past or present... :)

I learn many things through the failures and hope to pick up along the way,i know results are there but is taking way too long to materialize.

I wanted to be honest,open and especially courageous to my feelings yet the past will tell me of the losses that i have incurred.Have i really not lose anything by not doing anything?

Well on a high note,the career path for the long-term is being set up for me by many people and maybe taking off soon and that i still need to get thorough this transition period with this vague (close to nothing) result. I thank all those seniors who has been "fighting" for me without me using my diploma and a proper resume. HAHA this is singapore, where in the world can someone land on jobs so easily like me. i am so lucky but the price to pay is commitment and effort.

Speaking of commitment, be it basketball or a girlfriend(trying to jio 1), i always try my very best in training for basketball or getting to know her better with the reason i don't want to let my skills down or hurt the gal just simply cause i don't know her well(this part takes lots of time though,i SWEAR!)

2009 flashbacks made me came up with that much thoughts though i tried to summarise. is a much faster year like what HB said(i agree, ns 2 years feels damn long that anything after ns is juz like jamming the accel of a WRX STi)<---can i have euro-r haha???

514
jan--XF team started, good to see weisheng since 888
feb-may---cork up training,my issues with jiahui and eunice(tears came off since meiqi stunt with darren)
june-aug---peaceful months of controlled bball and 3 days of cork driving
sept-now---don't care, play my own bball,what is bball with not so cool ppl rite? ^_^
dec----chalet with them,learn dota

Work
jan-jul---only 3 big cases with FYC at most avg 950+ had small cases along the way aug-now---admin asst work at sungei kadut
--- quite a number of travel sold and done a vehicle(finally after so many quotations)
--- finally getting some renewal comm to come in(muz stay on in ins)
Though alot of KIV cases, i hope to be able to close them asap if not the $200k FYP might give some problem. But then again,rapport is more important than pushing sales. Just strike a balance

Personal
1) I damn sure need to get back my 2k...
2) I damn sure must give her some breathing space although i can be her side
3) Get rid of the ps3 and get the in-between earnings (YAY!!!!!)
4) I need to take care of my health (Clearing 1,2,3 will help alot though health is top priority ^^
5) Since somebody mentioned to me that i am a systematic person,prove it through my room

2010 resolutions, I won't be needing them 'coz none has been fulfilled before so therefore i will just use back the old ones.

1)Career--hope the road i take will help me soar even though there are alot of unknown factors and at least i must try out so that at bare minimum i learn something, if good then is good
2)Love---HAHA, nobody believes i have no girlfriend before...DAMN! but in my heart, i always wanted to have someone i can be nice to, no need to be lovey-dovey...JUST SIMPLE LOVE!

Hope i can end 2009 on a high note instead of low note, only 1 person know what this means. Till then...>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>see ya soon>>>>>>over and OUT

2009-12-08T09:01:00.000+08:00

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